The Secret of My Excess

I named this post a few weeks ago.  Sometimes when I have a good idea for a post I will save a draft with a few keys words to remind me of what I wanted to write about.  This one only had a title.  I don’t remember what it was supposed to be about.

I joined Weight Watchers online yesterday.  I’m too lazy to actually go to meetings so the online version is perfect for me.  The only thing wrong with the online version is that it would be really easy to cheat.  On my weigh-in day I could put any weight I want.  No stranger there to weigh me and keep me honest.  Every week I could decrease my weight by 5lbs.  Then I would get to see the line on the graph move down hill.  The computer doesn’t know if I’m telling the truth.  I could reach my goal weight (in cyberspace) in record time.

The worst thing about joining is having to be honest about my weight.  The second worst thing is when it is trying to calculate how many points you can have a day it asks your activity level.  I had to pick the option that indicates that I sit on my ass all day long.  Actually, if it is possible to do a negative amount of activity per day I would have chosen that one.

I love to eat.  I love to eat when I’m sad, happy, angry, tired and any other emotion you can have in a day.  I love it and I hate it at the same time.  It makes me miserable.  So yesterday I decided I could be miserable and eat all the time and be fat or I could start eating less and be miserable and be skinny.  Let’s see how the skinny miserable works out.

My friend and I decided that we were going to be skinny one more time before we die.  If we can’t then we agreed to find a very skilled mortician that can make us a size 2 with washboard abs.

 

Ain’t Nothin’ Like ‘em Nowhere

I just caught a few minutes of a special about BBQ. They interviewed a guy that was a “Professional Barbeque Judge”. What am I doing wrong in my life that this is not my profession?

The Summer of Southern Fried Fatty

I got up at 5:00 this morning and went to the gym.  Yea me!  I walked a snail’s pace for 40 minutes on the treadmill.  Better than nothing.  The fact is I can’t do much more because my body is in a state of advanced atrophy.  I definitely feel my weight and my age (plus ten years.)  One day at a time…one day at a time.

Kick Off Classic

When I started this blog I really thought I would be in shape by now.  Most people start their new year on January 1st, but I tend to measure my year from football season to football season.  I am definitely not the biggest football fan I know, but being from Alabama and a graduate of the University of Alabama I lived my entire life in anticipation of the next football season.  There is nothing like the first Saturday of college football.  You can be at the stadium or in your living room, there is nothing like it.  So every year at this time I do the type of annual inventory usually reserved for New Year’s resolutions.

Once again I am not at my ideal weight.  Once again I am promising myself that next football season I will weigh less and look better.  I remember the first time I watched a ball game after I graduated and it freaked me out because I realized that I was older than the players.  Now I watch and it freaks me out because I WEIGH more than the players.  To put it simply, that ain’t right.

I have no plan.  I’m just going to try to do better.  I did join a gym thinking that spending $50 a month would motivate me.  I went for a couple of weeks but it has been about a month since I have been back.  My only goal is to get up in the morning and go to the gym before I go to work.  One simple goal.

So I will post tomorrow to let y’all know if I went.  I’ll try to post daily.  Sometimes it may be interesting, sometimes it won’t be.  Sometimes it will be funny, sometimes it won’t be.  I’ve learned not to set lofty goals.

See you tomorrow!!! and Roll Tide Roll!!!

Look out world!!

I’ve got something to say.  I’m back.  Will be posting soon!!!!!!!